My dad is in North Dakota and is visiting friends for a week, and he called me one day during work. After we hung up I thought, "Is this really my life?"
Dad: Hey, so I gave my deep freeze away to the neighbors. I don't need all that space and never eat the meat in it anyway.
Me: (knowing from past experience that the meat all tastes like cigarettes from his chain smoking) Yeah, that makes sense. That was nice of you to give it to them. I'm sure they can use it.
Dad: Yup. Well, anyway, I just got 200 lbs of deer meat here in ND, so can you ask Jay to go out and buy me a new deep freeze to put it all in? Thanks! Bye!
Me: [thud, thud, thud, as I pound my head into the desk]