Hey, I don't claim to be a saint.
However, a few months ago I was able to really, truly give myself a new identity without really even trying. And since I'm such a giving (and humble) person, I thought I'd let you know how you, too, can change your life in seven easy steps.
Step 1: Get invited to a full day scrapbook event, complete with friends, food, and plenty of vendors.
Step 2: Run 10+ miles the morning of said event, ensuring you are physically exhausted prior to arriving.
Step 3: Scrapbook for 9+ hours, all the while trying to be creative, witty, and fun to be around.
Step 4: Visit the 31 vendor and order a super cute new purse. Be sure to get it monogrammed with your initials - it really makes the bag stand out. BONUS if you order the bag around 11 p.m. when you are beyond exhausted and seeing double.
Step 5: Wait three weeks for your bag to arrive, then show it off to your husband when it is delivered to your house.
Step 6: Stutter, stammer, and make excuses to said husband when he asks why you ordered the bag with the wrong initials. My middle name is Joy, which surprisingly does NOT begin with the letter M.
Step 7: Embrace your new identity. I happen to think that Stephanie M. Ralph sounds delightful. And I know that the M most definitely stands for Mary, Marie, or May... Not another word my friend suggested. One that rhymes with "Boron."