Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Five miles, uphill both ways

Do you remember how when you are a kid how annoying it was when people would say things like, “You are too young to understand that” or “You’ll ‘get it’ when you are grown up.” Please people… Even at five I knew I was a genius. It's like when people told you how bad it was back in the day.  Just annoying.

Now that I am a grown up, I get it. Some things are just MUCH better left unsaid. It's not that I don't want to explain things to them, it's that it's exhausting and hard and usually leads to more questions.  Some of which I may not know the answer to.  I find that distracting my kids with candy and quickly changing the subject is much more effective.

And now that I am, in fact, a grown up, I know I was not a genius at age five. No way could I be one then when I am definitely one now. And since in addition to being a genius I am also extremely generous, I’d like to share some of my wisdom with you now.
  • Baby wipes are amazing. Keep them around your house forever.
  • Every single time they are holding something red and liquid, your children will 1. develop the shakes or 2. forget how to use their hands.
  • Deodorant, when eaten, is not really that harmful. Neither is lotion, toothpaste, diaper rash cream, sand…
  • Do not ever tell your children that you have family pictures coming up. They will laugh in your face and then get hit in the face with something sharp or hard.
  • Kids will repeat. Exactly. What. You. Say.
  • Reading books upside down is not all that hard.
  • Skipping pages in a book, however, is.
  • Think stubbing your toe on the coffee table hurts? Wait till you step on a rogue Lego at 4 a.m.
  • You can hop on one foot in agonizing pain and not make a sound.
  • It is possible to know the folks at poison control by name.
  • And, that even at your worst moments, you will love your kids more than you ever knew possible.   

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