Now that I am a grown up, I get it. Some things are just MUCH better left unsaid. It's not that I don't want to explain things to them, it's that it's exhausting and hard and usually leads to more questions. Some of which I may not know the answer to. I find that distracting my kids with candy and quickly changing the subject is much more effective.
And now that I am, in fact, a grown up, I know I was not a genius at age five. No way could I be one then when I am definitely one now. And since in addition to being a genius I am also extremely generous, I’d like to share some of my wisdom with you now.
- Baby wipes are amazing. Keep them around your house forever.
- Every single time they are holding something red and liquid, your children will 1. develop the shakes or 2. forget how to use their hands.
- Deodorant, when eaten, is not really that harmful. Neither is lotion, toothpaste, diaper rash cream, sand…
- Do not ever tell your children that you have family pictures coming up. They will laugh in your face and then get hit in the face with something sharp or hard.
- Kids will repeat. Exactly. What. You. Say.
- Reading books upside down is not all that hard.
- Skipping pages in a book, however, is.
- Think stubbing your toe on the coffee table hurts? Wait till you step on a rogue Lego at 4 a.m.
- You can hop on one foot in agonizing pain and not make a sound.
- It is possible to know the folks at poison control by name.
- And, that even at your worst moments, you will love your kids more than you ever knew possible.