Thursday, April 15, 2010

Some Additional Information

Ever since I posted THIS mentioning Addison’s “Death Breath”, I’ve had several people ask me what exactly death breath is. So, since I’m such a giving person I thought I’d give you some additional information so you can adequately diagnose death breath in your own family.

First: The Cause
  • Your kid needs their tonsils removed. While the breath associated with strep is quite smelly, it doesn’t hold a handle to death breath. And, please do NOT actually hold a candle to it… that $h!t might be flammable.
  • Your kid must not brush their teeth for several days. That’s easy to accomplish with a tonsillectomy – everything hurts.
  • Your kid needs to breath directly in your face for at least 10 seconds. But be forewarned: nausea and vomiting may occur.

The Description

I have thought long and hard about how to verbally express what death breath is. This is the closest I can get to the actual odor. And again, you are welcome for the information.
  • First, you need some sort of wild animal. Let’s go with a possum.
  • Then, run it over with your car.
  • In July.
  • In the desert.
  • Then, wait four days.
(doo, dooo, do…)
  • Ok, now you need a skunk.
  • Have the skunk spray your dead possum.
  • Then have the skunk lay down next to the possum and die.
There you have it. Death Breath!

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