Friday, April 16, 2010

How to take a walk – by Addison Ralph

In case you want to be like the Ralphs, here are some tips via Addison on how to have a successful family walk/bike ride.

1. Make sure your sister will sit still for the duration of the walk. Suckers work well.
2. Throw a huge temper tantrum because “I DON’T WANT TO RIDE MY BIKE! I WANT TO RIDE MY SCOOTER!”, then smile and hop on your bike.  Make it look like it was totally your decision.  You are independent, you do what you want.

3. Give your mom a second to take a mental note to put money aside for your bi-polar meds.

4. Be sure to stretch– it’s a long way to the park. You don’t want to cramp up.
5. Don’t forget the arms too!  You will be doing a lot of waving and then almost falling off your bike.  You will need to be prepared.  
6. Walk three steps down the sidewalk, then stop for a break. You’ve worked hard! Oh and try to avoid electrocution when possible.
7. Walk/ride to the park. Ignore your sister’s squeals when her sucker falls on the ground and breaks into a million pieces. She didn’t need that sucker anyway.

8. After running around and swinging, watch your sister use a lovely picnic table as a resting place. Oooh and ahhh over how cute she is.
9. Push her off and climb on up. You are older – YOU get first dibs on cool places to hang.
10. Smile as your sister walks far away to another picnic table.
11. While your mom is distracted, go find a nice pine tree to squat and pee behind. Hey, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

12. Ignore the 35 people at the tennis court and playground pointing at you, laughing hysterically. Roll your eyes for extra emphasis on how much you DON’T care.  Remember, YOU are independent.  YOU don't care what other people think.

13. Stroll on home at a leisurely pace. Be sure to stop and literally smell the flowers every chance you get. Your mom will really like this.

14. Once at home, enjoy a popsicle and be sure to drop part of it on the carpet. It’s helpful if the popsicle is blue.

15. Repeat daily.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...