Teaching an old dog new tricks

In this episode of "The Ralph Family Zoo..." I'll share with you all the things I have learned over the past 2.6 years. It's a lot really... I thought all my "learnin'" was done at Purdue. Turns out I didn't know a thing till I had kids. Just a few examples...

• A kid will pick their nose more than you would have ever imagined.
• Kids and dogs never forget where the treats are kept.
• A trip to the grocery store, sans kids, can be the highlight of your week.
• A trip to the grocery store, WITH kids, can be a nightmare come true (temper tantrum over marshmellows, anyone???)
• That a song on the radio can make you cry like a little girl.
• A relaxing shower is a thing of the past. Get over it and move on.
• A Frosty, when dropped from the kitchen table, has the velocity of a nuclear missile. It will fly even further on a freshly-mopped floor.
• Some pictures will be great ammo when your kids are teenagers.
• If you don't stop to smell the roses, you will probably be smelling baby poo.
• Pennies write on a wall better than a pencil.
• Hugs are the best medicine.
• If you want to read a book, either listen to it on tape or pick one with pictures and rhymes.
• You can wake up at 5 a.m. or 7 a.m. - and either way you will probably be late to work, school, church.....
• That despite what you thought in college, your life is a LOT different now.
• Skipping through the State Fair really is fun. Especially if you hold hands.
• Boys aren't the only babies who can pee all over you.
• That getting pee, poo, barf, mac' and cheese, whatever, all over you... you learn to deal with it all.
• Noggin really IS preschool on TV (at least that's what Dora Dora Dora the Explorer says!)
• Kids REALLY like to eat dog food.
• Even moms need time outs sometimes.
• You can never run fast enough when you see your kid jumping on a tomato.
• A tomato, surprisingly enough, does NOT fly farther than a Frosty.
• If your kids have an audience, they WILL perform.
• Spit happens. So does Shit. Deal with it.
• Nothing is as relaxing as napping with a baby on your chest.
• The grass sometimes really IS greener on the other side. You just probably need to water more frequently.
• The moon is very cool and never gets old.
• That even as you wipe boogers, snot, and God knows what off your kid, you still might lean over and give them a kiss.
• A sticker works better as a bribe than a million dollars.
• That open-mouth, slobbery, spitty kisses from a baby are quite possibly the best thing in the world.
• That work is never as important as spending quality time with your family.
• How overbearing, overprotective mother-in-laws are created. :)
• How much we would be missing out on without these two crazy kids in our lives.

Thanks to my online friends for their suggestions! You guys are awesome!