Monday, August 25, 2008

Teaching an old dog new tricks

In this episode of "The Ralph Family Zoo..." I'll share with you all the things I have learned over the past 2.6 years. It's a lot really... I thought all my "learnin'" was done at Purdue. Turns out I didn't know a thing till I had kids. Just a few examples...

  • A kid will pick their nose more than you would have ever imagined.
  • Kids and dogs never forget where the treats are kept.
  • A trip to the grocery store, sans kids, can be the highlight of your week.
  • A trip to the grocery store, WITH kids, can be a nightmare come true (temper tantrum over marshmellows, anyone???)
  • That a song on the radio can make you cry like a little girl.
  • A relaxing shower is a thing of the past. Get over it and move on.
  • A Frosty, when dropped from the kitchen table, has the velocity of a nuclear missile. It will fly even further on a freshly-mopped floor.
  • Some pictures will be great ammo when your kids are teenagers.
  • If you don't stop to smell the roses, you will probably be smelling baby poo.
  • Pennies write on a wall better than a pencil.
  • Hugs are the best medicine.
  • If you want to read a book, either listen to it on tape or pick one with pictures and rhymes.
  • You can wake up at 5 a.m. or 7 a.m. - and either way you will probably be late to work, school, church.....
  • That despite what you thought in college, your life is a LOT different now.
  • Skipping through the State Fair really is fun. Especially if you hold hands.
  • Boys aren't the only babies who can pee all over you.
  • That getting pee, poo, barf, mac' and cheese, whatever, all over you... you learn to deal with it all.
  • Noggin really IS preschool on TV (at least that's what Dora Dora Dora the Explorer says!)
  • Kids REALLY like to eat dog food.
  • Even moms need time outs sometimes.
  • You can never run fast enough when you see your kid jumping on a tomato.
  • A tomato, surprisingly enough, does NOT fly farther than a Frosty.
  • If your kids have an audience, they WILL perform.
  • Spit happens. So does Shit. Deal with it.
  • Nothing is as relaxing as napping with a baby on your chest.
  • The grass sometimes really IS greener on the other side. You just probably need to water more frequently.
  • The moon is very cool and never gets old.
  • That even as you wipe boogers, snot, and God knows what off your kid, you still might lean over and give them a kiss.
  • A sticker works better as a bribe than a million dollars.
  • That open-mouth, slobbery, spitty kisses from a baby are quite possibly the best thing in the world.
  • That work is never as important as spending quality time with your family.
  • How overbearing, overprotective mother-in-laws are created. :)
  • How much we would be missing out on without these two crazy kids in our lives.

Thanks to my online friends for their suggestions! You guys are awesome!


... said...

you always write so well!!! i love your blogs... beautiful :) hey, nice new header also... how did you get that background? really cool!
hope all is well in the Ralph fam... and I do love Jay's stained shirt... Ant has an orange tank top that I ABSOLUTELY HATE... that is soon to go missing... >:) Much love to you all...

Nicole - Life in Progress said...

Love this list. The one about grocery shopping really hits home. Just this morning the girls fought over who got which side of the race car shopping cart. May I have a lobotomy please??

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